It's Not My Fault I'm So Perfect!
by sakura rakuen
Summary: Okay, I've finally updated! Basically, its a collection of Sirius based onshots. Enjoy! Me like reviews! I do not own HP, cause J.K Rowling beat me to it, lol.
1. Chapter 1

Sirius Black was the complete oppisite of his name. Goofy, stupid, reckless...

But he was also hot.

And fortunately for him, girls mostly noticed the latter.

"Jane,"

The brunette whipped around, wondering who had called her name. Her blue eyes widened when she saw that it was Sirius Black.

"Um...hi, Sirius," she mumbled, the color rising in her cheeks.

"How are you, Jane?" he grabbed her hand and bent over it, letting his lips brush her skin lightly. She turned red.

"Um..."

"I was wondering, do you have any plans for this weekend?"

"N-no," she couldn't belive what was happening.

Sirius gazed at her from beneath his bangs, which made his dark blue eyes seem almost black. Almost.

"Well I guess you'll just have to accompany me to the Three Broomsticks," he let a little bit of playfulness enter his voice, and she practically melted.

"Of course!" she barely contained her squeal.

"Alright, then. I'll meet you outside your common room at noon," he left, strutting a bit.

---

"Told you, mate." Sirius grinned as James handed him five galleons.

"That's not fair! It doesn't work on Lily," he complained.

"Really? Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever tried it on her..." Sirius ducked just in time to avoid a stunning spell.

"Geez, Prongs. It was a joke,"

"It better have been," James growled.

"Hey, I HAVE AN IDEA!" Sirius shouted.

"No," James groaned.

"Why not?" Sirius pouted comically.

"Because you're usually too dense to come up with a good idea."

"But this _is_ a good one!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?!!!!!!!"

"NO."

"Hmph, fine."

"..."

"..."

"Alright, I give up. What's your idea?"

"I ask Lily out _for_ you!"

"..."

"James?"

"BRILLIANT!"

---

"Hey, Lily!" Sirius handed her a quill that Remus had conjured up a minute ago behind the tapestry where the three of his friend were waiting. "You dropped this," he explained.

"Oh, sorry, that's not mine," she handed it back.

"Oh."

"Well, um, bye,"

"Wait, Lily." Sirius let his voice become a bit more...serious, pardon the pun.

"What is it?" she sounded worried.

"I was wondering," he fixed his blue eyes on her green ones, and to his joy found that a blush was creeping up her cheeks. "Well, hogsmeade is this weekend, so-"

"Of course I'll go with you!" she gave a small squeal and hugged him.

"I'll meet you at the Three Broomsticks at one, 'kay?" she ran off to join her friends.

"Padfoot..." James emerged from the tapestry looking murderous, while Remus and Peter were shaking with mirth.

"Don't look like that, Prongs. I'm the one who has to deal with two girls this weekend! Well, five, if you count the Ivangeline triplets."

"Run, you moron!" Remus managed to scream in between peals of laughter. Sirius didn't need another warning. He sprinted down the stairs as fat as he could, with James close behind, screaming various profanities.

The duel that had ensued left Sirius in the hospital wing for the weekend, much to his dates's dissapointment.

---

**A/N: Click the little button to submit a review, ya know you want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius cursed his luck.

He was about to be sorted. And while he may have wanted desperately to go to Griffindor (or at least Ravenclaw), he knew that the chanced of him breaking tradition were slim. According to Bellatrix, almost every Black had only to let the hat touch their head before it screamed "Slytherin!".

Onlt two people had ever broken the tradition. One of them was his cousin Andromeada, and the other was his great-great-great-great-great uncle twice removed. But Andromeada had been disowned, and Uncle Higgy had been _mysteriously_ murdered before his third year. And those punishments had been for getting into _Ravenclaw._

"James?"

"What?"

"Do you think the Sorting Hat takes bribes?"

"No, why?"

"Great. I'm doomed to live among greasy, cowardly gits forever! Just when I'd finally gotten rid of my parents, too."

"Oh, right. The sorting."

"What _else_ can you possibly be thinking of?!"

"Her. The redhead," James pointed to a nervous-looking girl with thick red hair and green eyes.

"You're unbelieveable," Sirius hissed.

---

"Aleno, Micheal!" Mcgonnagall called out. The sorting had begun.

A beefy brown-haired kid stepped up and jammed the hat on his head.

"Hufflepuff!"

"Black, Sirius!"

Instantly, the cheers from the Hufflepuffs died down. The entire hall was quiet again, but this silence was cold and wary. Those who didn't recognize the name 'Black' were being given a brief summary by their neighbors.

Sirius knew how to keep up appearances, so he strutted across to the stool and sat down gracefully. He picked up the hat and placed it on his head.

"Careful with the hair," he thought. He heard a chuckle.

_"A cheeky Black, that's normal. But you yourself aren't."_

"Hey, are you saying that I'm-"

_"I'm saying you don't belong in Slytherin,"_

"Well, thanks, Mr. Hat, but my opinion never matters."

_"Oh?"_

"Yup, my mother wants me to get into Slytherin, and if you know what's best for you, you'll listen to her."

By now plenty of people were fidgeting, wondering how it could possibly take this long to sort a Black.

_"Let's see now, I 'll take pity on the Hufflepuffs and eliminate you from their house,"_

"I'm offended you even considered me!"

_"And Ravenclaw would be tormented at the idea of you in their house as well,"_

"There's an insult in there somewhere, I know it."

_"Do you? Well, that's a suprise. Anyways, your house is clear now."_

"About time. Well, Mum was right, just send me with those gits,"

"Griffindor!" the hat shouted happily.

There was silence. The Bellatrix stood up from her place at the Slytherin table.

"SIRIUS! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! WHEN YOUR MOTHER HEARS ABOUT THIS-"

"She'll die of a heart attack, but that's hoping for too much," he answered back. His voice rang strongly throughout the hall, and some people began to laugh.

"YOU BLOOD TRAITOR, I'LL-"

"Enough, Miss Bella," Dumbledore stood up from his chair. Silence fell again, and Bellatrix seemed to have been temporarily robbed of speech. "I understand," he continued. "That this is perhaps not what we expected. But the best things in life rarely are. Mr. Black, you may join your house," he gestured to the Griffindor table.

Sirius stood up shakily and went to sit down. There was no applause, but he didn't fail to notice the glares he was getting from the Slytherins.

He didn't pay attention to the rest of the sorting, he didn't even notice when James sat down next to him.

All he could think about was how furious his parents were going to be.

---

"SIRIUS!" James threw a pork chop into his lap.

"Wha- eeew, James!"

"Sorry, mate, but I had to get your attention."

"What is it?'

"You gonna eat?"

Only then did Sirius notice the huge amounts of perfectly prepared food in front of him. He carefully folded his napkin and began delicately piling food into his plate. Then he grabbed a leg of lamb and took the biggest bite he could.

James laughed, and this caused Sirius to laugh too. Then he started choking on his meat.

A sixth year sitting close by noticed and pointed her wand at his throat. His airway cleared immediately.

"Thanks, umm..."

"I'm Amelia Bones," she introduced herself.

"Ah, I know your mum; Chief Witch of the Wizengamot?"

"Yep."

"She's nice. What happened to her hand, though?"

"Oh," Amelia burst out laughing. "That was my little brother, Steven. He can't controll his magic yet, he's only ten-"

"So he 'accidentally' transfigured your mum's hand into a goldfish?"

"That's right!" Amelia chuckled.

---

It was after dinner. James, Sirius, and two other boys, one a brunnette and one a blond, went to their dormitory. When they arrived, another boy was already asleep.

It wasn't long before they followed siut, not even introducing themselves. They had tommorow for that...

---

**A/N: R&R.**


	3. Chapter 3

"Black, Potter!" Professor McGonagall's voice rang out through the hall. Sirius hastily muttered a countercurse, and the Slytherins he was levitating fell to the floor in a crumpled heap.

"Yes, Minnie?' Sirius grinned. She didn't seem amused; her nostrils flared and her mouth thinned.

"Both of you. In my office. _Now_."

The two friends smirked and followed her inside.

"So, what will it be this time, madam?" Sirius asked, adopting what he called a 'kreacher' tone.

"Don't try and be funny, Black. Fifty points from Griffindor and a week's detention for each of you."

"But-" James started to argue, but shut up when Sirius kicked him.

"I have a plan," he mouthed, and James knew Sirius well enough by then to know that this 'plan' would be an amazing prank.

"Very well, your first detenrion will be tonight, meet me in my classroom after dinner." Minerva dissmissed them.

---

"So, what's up?" James asked. His curiosity got the better of him.

"Well, James. It seems to me that we're losing too many points for two simple, brilliant first-years."

James had to laugh, the mock-serious look on his best friend's face was hilarious.

"So what do you have in mind?" he asked eaglerly. Sirius's eyes glinted, both wickedly and happily.

"Well, as you know, those huge hourglass thingies hold the points for every house," he began. James felt his grin widen.

"Go on!" he encouraged.

"See, I thought I'd be so much more convienient if we could...ah, change the points a bit." Sirius finished with a gleam in his dark eyes.

"Brilliant!" James laughed. Then he looked confused. "How are we going to do that?"

"C'mon, James, we're the most talented first-years here! If we could take on those fourth years like we did today, I think we can do anything,"

"Alright, alright. So when should we do it?"

"Let's see...we have a rather busy schedule, as we're so popular with the teachers..."

They both burst out laughing.

"Okay, I think we should do it tonight," Sirius said after recovering. James nodded his agreement.

"Alright, if we try a confundus charm on the hourglass's protection, we should be able to slip in. Oh, and the invisibility cloak is a must," James decided.

"Perfect. So, I was thinking we mix up all the jewels. Or maybe we could transfigure the emeralds into rubies..." Sirius began listing off all the possibilities. James joined in, and they finally decided on one.

---

"Good evening, boys," McGonagall gazed at them sternly.

"Good evening, Professor Minnie," they recited politely, bowing. She had to constantly remind herself that they both came from 'noble' families, despite their constant troublemaking, and knew how to be polite when they wanted to.

"You'll be cleaning the rabit cages today, my sixth years will be transfiguring them tomorrow," she pointed to what looked like a hundred rabbit cages, all reeking of fresh...ah, waste.

"Wish Kreacher was here to do this," Sirius grumbled. "If my mother told him to clean a cage he'd scub it with his tongue,"

James laughed. Professor McGonagall glared at them, and they spent the rest of detention in silence.

"Very well, boys, you're free to go," she said at last.

In a flash, the two were running down the hallway shouting gleefully.

---

After a quick stop by thier dormitory, to fetch the cloak, James and Sirius were off. Remus was away again, and Peter was snoring like a chainsaw.

"This is gonna be the prank of the century," James whispered. Sirius grinnd. It had become a sort of tradition to say that before each prank.

"Confundo," James whispered, giving his wand a flick. At once, they ran toward the hourglasses, afraid that the charm wouldn't last long.

"Oriri," Sirius muttered, and instantly a handful of rubies rose up from the Griffindor hourglass. James did the same spell, only with the Ravenclaw sapphires.

Carefully, as to avoid any noise, they switched the jewels. Now both hourglasses were a mixture of rubies and sapphires. They procceeded to do the same with Slytherin's emeralds and Hufflepuff's gold nuggets.

Then they hurriedly snuck back to the dormitory, eagerly awaiting the next day.

---

It was chaos.

Dumbledore himself had to calm everyone down.

"Silence!" he yelled. Everyone fell silent, waiting for the headmaster's reaction.

"It seems," he said sadly, although James detected a twinkle in his eyes, "That we will have to call off the house cup while we sort this out. No points can be added or deducted at this time."

Sirius's explession was one of glee.

"However," Dumbledore continued, "if anyone is caught participating in any maldoings, a detention will suffice," he strode away, humming lightly to himself.

The students immediately began talking exitedly.

"Who d'you reckon did it?" a third year asked her friend in awe.

"I think I know," came a growl behind James. He spun around.

"Evans! Good mo-"

"Don't 'good morning' me, Potter. I just _know_ you and Black are behind this.

"Why, Evans!" Sirius put on a convincing mask of suprise. "A smart girl like you should know that two first-years as ignorant as us could have _never_ done such a thing!"

"That's right," James ran a hand through his hair. "I know we're talented, charming, and amazing, but not even we could pull something like this off,"

Lily stamped her foot.

"I may not know how, but I'm certain that you two are behind this," she said stubbornly.

"You're beautiful when you're mad,' James told her admiringly. She stomped away.

"Have I missed anything?" Remus came up to them, tired-looking but grinning widely.

"Ah, Remus, perfect timing!" Sirius exclaimed. "Wait till you hear about this..."

---

**A/N: I researched some latin. Confundo means confused, and Oriri means rise, as in levitate. Hope you enjoyed this!**


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius has seen betrayal too many times.

Ever since his birth, there was always a black-haired little girl who played with him. Who took care of him when his parents didn't.

Bellatrix.

They were best friends. Then, she had turned eleven. He was only five.

_"Bella, I don't want you to go," he pouted._

_"It's alright, Siri. I'll be back for Christmas, 'kay?"_

_"Okay!" he had brightened up so much at her words._

Soon after, he had experienced his first betrayal.

_"Bella!" he ran towards her, his arms outstretched._

_"Sirius," she nodded curtly. He stopped in his tracks._

_"Are...y-you okay?"_

_"I'm more than okay, dear cousin." she laughed. It wasn't her carefree, natural laugh. It was a high and cold laugh that chilled his very being._

_"What happened to you?"_

_"Nothing. I've discovered a god...The Dark Lord," she walked past him in a daze._

_"Bella...please come back..." he whispered._

His second betrayal was not that far off.

_"Welcome back, Bella," he bowed._

_"Shut up," she glared at him. He cowered under her gaze._

_"I can't believe it. Is it true, Sirius? Did you associate with a muggle?"_

_"We only played together, what-"_

_She slapped him. Hard._

_"YOU FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR! YOU'RE NOT MY COUSIN!"_

_She stormed away, seething, leaving him to hold his bruised cheek. It was nothing compared to his mangled heart._

By the time he entered Hogwarts, he despised her. Her and the rest of his family. (Except Andromeada)

He entered the school wanting to forget; to start a new life.

He had done so perfectly.

Years later, he was staring at her again. This time, both had thier wands out, pointing at the other's throat.

_"Join the Dark Lord, cousin. It's the only thing you can do. You're a Black."_

_"No! I'll never do that!"_

_"Oh, but we are cousins, after all-"_

_"We are not." he was trembling. "Bella is dead. You're just a pathetic puppet that grovels at Voldemort's feet."_

_"DO NOT DARE SAY HIS N-"_

_"Stupefy!" he ran, refusing to let his tears fall; because she didn't deserve them, she wasn't family...she wasn't Bella..._

He felt betrayed. How ironic, seeing it was him that really betrayed his entire family.

But, as he knew, betrayal is sometimes necessary.

**A/N: By the way, this is NOT Sirius/Bella. Eeew, they're COUSINS for god's sake!**


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius grinned. He seemed to be doing a lot of that lately. But this time it was different, sort of.

He had scored a date with seven girls. In one day. That beat the hell out of James's record.

Sweet.

But such wonderful news shouldn't be confined to one person, so he headed to the Common Room to share it with the rest of the gang.

---

"Hey guys!" Sirius clambered gracefully through the portrait hole and shoved a fourth year out of an armchair so he could talk to his friends.

"You really shouldn't do that, Sirius. You're only a third year, after all." Remus mumbled over his essay.

"Ah, Remus...so niave. Under this gorgeous, youthful appearance lies the mind of a brilliant man-"

"But enough about me, what about you?" James said, playing with a ball he had enchanted to dart about him like a snitch.

"Very funny. Anyways, that comment made me forget what I was going to say." Sirius pouted.

"Too bad." they said in unison. Sirius put on a mock-offended look, but laughed along with them anyway.

---

One hour later, most people had gone down to dinner, leaving the group alone to talk. They knew the way to the kitchens if they ever got hungry.

"So, what's our next prank?" James asked carelessly. "It's been two days since the last one, the teachers must be in shock."

"I agree." Peter piped up. "How 'bout we do something to Snivellus?"

"He's been the target for the last five, we need a less obvious target." Remus said.

"Oh. Well, what about-" James began, but was cut off when Sirius leapt off his chair and onto the table.

"I JUST REMEMBERED WHAT I CAME TO TELL YOU GUYS!" he shouted.

"I see. And your excuse for such a lurid way of giving us that information is...?" Remus sighed, massaging his ears.

"No reason, I just chose to bless you all with my wonderful voice. Anyways, I have good news."

"Lily broke up with Fergarld?!" James asked exitedly.

"Erm...no. Sorry, mate." Sirius grinned. "But I just beat your record."

Silence fell. The kind of silence that only falls when something unbelievable happens.

"WHAT!" Peter and James yelled together, while Remus could only stare in shock.

"Sirius, there's NO WAY you could've...it was FOUR girls in one day...there's just no way..." James stuttered.

"Four...ah, such a meager number. Try seven." Sirius smirked.

"SEVEN! What the bloody hell is wrong with this world?!" James moaned, falling to his knees.

"Ah, James. You'll have to learn that there is simply no mortal more handsome, charming, brilliant, or perfect as me."

"You forgot to mention your amazing modesty," Remus pointed out sarcastically.

"Oh, did I? Well, you can be the most modest, Remus. I wouldn't want you to feel overshadowed by my greatness."

"Thanks." Remus answered dryly.

"Let's go to bed," Peter suggested, trying and failing to supress a yawn.

"Aw, Pete. We haven't even had dinner yet!" James whined. "Let's grab the cloak and get the house elves to make us a pie."

"I feel like cherry or blackberry." Peter said immediately.

The laughing gang headed for the kitchens.

---

A/N: This is kind of a plotless chapter, but I like it cause it shows that they goofed around, and that Sirius and James were already charming girls by the age of 13.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is an evolved form of the crucio curse. I'm sure you'll remember it from now on."

"W-"

"Crucio Corpus!"

A gentle flick of the wand, and Sirius felt pain jolt through him for a second. Then it was gone.

"Your wandwork must be getting rusty, father."

To his suprise, all his father did was smirk.

"Very well. I'll make sure to practice more. You can leave," he answered in a gloating tone.

As soon as Sirius turned around, a fire seemed to shoot through him, and he fell to the floor in agony.

"What did you-"

"Pain. With every movement. This curse has long been thought to have been lost to history, but once again, our noble race kept it alive."

"Quite right, dear." Walburga entered the room, looking delighted to see her son crouched on the carpet, afraid to move. "Come, Sirius. To your room."

Refusing to give her the satisfaction that he was immobile, Sirius pushed himself up, grinding his teeth. Even that hurt.

---

As he made his way upstairs, he realized that he wasn't getting used to this pain. It seemed to increase with every step, so that it would eventually swallow him.

"Inside, now," his mother's simper was sickening. "I'm sure you've learned your lesson. No more mixing with scum."

"His name was Chad," Sirius snapped, wincing when his face felt the sting of the curse.

It was somehow worth it to see his mother's face slowly lose color, then grow to a deep purple.

The last thing he saw was a flash of wandlight, before he was sprawled on the floor, his arm looking as if a werewolf had pulled at it.

Another flash, and he was healed.

"Let that be a lesson to you, boy. No supper tonight, and think about where your loyalties really lie."

With that, Walburga strode from his room, slamming the door behind her.

Sirius didn't even dare to scowl. The pain he was feeling now left no room for any more. Gingerly, he stood up and sat down on his bed. Anger had taken over him, that stupid curse didn't matter anymore. He could only think of one thing; how he was going to punish his parents for this. So what if he had been talking to a half-blood? Chad was in his seventh year at Hogwarts, and he was captain of the Ravenclaw quidditch team.

But his parents didn't care about that. They only cared that he was 'impure', as they so cruelly put it.

He sighed inwardly. The night was going to be hell.

---

"Son. I have come here to-"

"Apologize?" Sirius snorted.

"Nothing as demeaning as that. I'm lifting the curse." With those words, Sirius felt something leave him, and he immediately sat up. There was no pain this time.

"Wait." he said warily. "That's not the only thing you came here for."

"Very good, son." his father crooned. "You are learning."

"So what d'you want?"

"This came for you," he thrust out his hand, which was holding a letter. The envelope had obviously already been opened, no doubt his parents wanted to check his mail now too.

But he took it nontheless. It had a funny-looking seal, anyways.

_Dear Mr. Black,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Term begins on September 1st. We await your owl by no later than July 31st._

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress_

Sirius went on to read the list of equipment, scoffing at the fact that he couldn't bring a broomstick. By the time he put the letter down, his brain was whirring. Finally, a place where no one would tell him who to talk to, how to act, what to do...

His dreams were shattered the instant his fahter said, "Lucius and Bellatrix are already there. Narcissa is starting this year, along with you. I'm sure you'll work hard, and grow to be a fine addition to the Noble House of Slytherin."

"Erm...so, uh...when do I get my stuff?" he changed track at lighting speed.

"Your mother and I have already purchased your supplies. Tomorrow we are going to Diagon Alley to get you an owl, as they were only selling muts today."

Sirius resisted rolling his eyes. So now even his _owl_ had to be pure-blood? Despite all this, he couldn't deny his exitement at leaving the Black Manor once and for all.

As if he could sense the hope that had welled up in his son, Orion Black began to give a speech. Or, rather a warning.

"You must remember, Sirius, that as the Black Heir, many people will try to appease you. Only a few of them are worth associating with. I hear that they are letting a werewolf attend this year, how pathetic. But once you're sorted into Slytherin, you will be surrounded by fine people."

Sirius looked at the floor.

"You _will_ be sorted into Slytherin, and you _will_ keep up appearances. I'm counting on Bellatrix to keep an eye on you as well."

With those words, Orion Black strode from the room, closing the door behind him.

---

**A/N: Poor Sirius...for the past few days, I've found myself wondering: How could he have been raised by such cruel people, and still turn out good? I mean, he dealt with emotional struggles a lot, but still had it in him to be carefree at school, even though he was suffering.**


	7. Chapter 7

"YES! Finally!" James slid down the banister of the main staircase and landed, grinning madly, in front of his best friends.

"What, did Evans actually talk to you?" Remus asked, eyeing James carefully.

"No, Remus. Miracles don't happen that often, you know," Sirius laughed. "Nope, my little Jamsie here is so happy he could wet himself! Why, you ask? Look at the board," he pointed.

There, on the main bulletin board, were the words: QUIDDITCH TRYOUTS TODAY: 3 PM.

"Oh," was all Peter could say.

"So, James is trying out?" Remus asked. Sirius sorted.

"Of course! But the most important fact is that _I_ am trying out as well!" he shoved James to the floor and struck a pose.

"Fascinating," Remus commented dryly. "Well, are Peter and I expected to sit through said tryouts?"

"Remy!" James stood up suddenly, looking deeply offended. "You're not merely expected, but I'll _drag you there myself _if it comes to that!"

"Since when was I 'Remy'?" Remus asked, a twinge of annoyance in his voice.

"Probably since we found a nickname for you." Sirius said slowly.

"You're hilarious."

---

As soon as they set foort on the quidditch pitch, James and Sirius waved good-bye and headed toward Roy Thomas, who was this year's captain.

Remus and Peter headed to the already-packed stands to watch as their friends tried out.

James couldn't have been more perfect. Although he said later that all his spectacular leaps, turns, and dives were natural, Sirius and Remus knew it was because Lily had been in the stands.

James had obviously made chaser, and now it was time for beater tryouts.

"Think he'll make it?" James sat next to Peter.

"Of course!" Peter said squeakily.

"I dunno. _You _made it, didn't you? I figure anyone's got a chance." Remus answered.

"You're still upset about your nickname, aren't you?"

---

Sirius sighed as he waited for Thomas to annnounce beater tryouts. But honestly, James had overdone it. Lily had probably passed out from trying to keep track of his movements.

"Will anyone who's trying for beater please step up!"

_"Finally."_

Sirius joined three other boys in line.

He recognized one of them. Arthur Weasely, a seventh year.

"Black." Arthur said coldly.

_"Obviously, he recognized me too." _

"Black, these are the _Griffindor_ tryouts."

"Really? Gosh, I guess I must've missed that giant lion poster up in the stands, then."

"Very funny. Now be serious, why are you here?"

"I am Sirius, and I'm here to kick your arse at this and be a better beater."

Just then, Arthur noticed the Griffindor colors on his uniform.

"Took you long enough."

"Sorry," his ears and neck turned red. "I just thought...my parents have told me about the Blacks..."

"That's okay. My parents have told me about the Weaslies. I don't think either of our parents had nice things to say, huh?"

"I..." he turned redder. He really seemed apologetic, so Sirius grinned and held out a hand. Arthur shook it.

"Although, I don't take back what I said about me kicking your arse," he said. Arthur only smiled.

"Black! Weasely!" Thomas barked. "Get up in the air, now!"

Sirius mounted his Silver Arrow and shot up immediately. He tossed his bat from hand to hand, and finally settled on attacking the bludger on the left.

There was a rush of wind as he zoomed by the spectators and hit the bludger with as much force as he could...knocking it straight into Arthur's stomach.

The redhead recovered quickly and whacked the bludger back.

Sirius rolled over in midair to avoid it. He was still grinning.

---

"My hair's messed up." Sirius moaned. In reality, only a few strands had been ruffled by the wind, but Sirius still found that a reason to complain.

"My hair's messed up," James mocked him.

"Actually, James..." Remus trailed off, afraid that if he said any more, he would burst out laughing.

"...your hair is actually messed up." Sirius finished for him. "It's alright, mate, maybe its a birth defect that will go away in time, ya know?"

"If you weren't my new teamate, I'd hex you here and now," James muttered.

---

**A/N: Yes! Yet another chapter finished! If you review I'll...huh, I ate all the cookies...review and I'll be happy! That's good enough, right?**


	8. Chapter 8

Sirius snickered.

"James, mate, this is the best prank we've done all day!"

"Shh! Just because we're invisible doesn't mean we can't be heard." he hissed back.

Sirius shrugged and finished pouring the potion into the last shampoo bottle.

"Ah...the teachers will be in for such a nice surprise tomorrow," he hummed.

"Personally, I look forward to seeing how Slughorn looks with red and blue striped hair. A man of his coloring actually won't-"

But at that moment, they both shut up.

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts!" came a voice.

"Damn poltergeist." Sirius whispered.

"What's that? Someone insulting my singing? Oh, Peevsie should check who it is. Might be students wandering...can't have that...no sir..."

"Sirius, if we make it back to the common room, I'm hexing you." James began creeping toward the door.

"No need for that, mate." Sirius grinned. "I already got our escape route mapped out." he threw off the cloak.

"What do you think you're doing?! If Peeves spots you-"

"You sound like my mother. Please, James, I went through extra trouble to get this ride." he opened the window and peered down at the grounds.

"We're five stories up," James said slowly. Then it dawned on him what his friend had in mind. A grin bloomed on his face, and he stuffed the cloak in his pocket.

"Finally figured it out, have you?" Sirius chuckled.

Two broomsticks were hovering at the window ledge, ready to be mounted.

"On three."

* * *

The next morning, classes were delayed by a somber looking Dumbledore.

"I am afraid some of the professors are having minor issues with their appearance, and are refusing to reappear until the crisis is solved." he said gravely, his eyes twinkling. Their light blue color exactly matched his hair.

"I must say boys, it makes me feel young," he said to gales of laughter.

"How'd you do it?" Peter's face showed nothing but admiration and awe.

"The actual question would be; what potion did you use? How come the teachers can't just magic it off?" Remus took every opportunity to learn.

"Well, you'll never believe this-" James began, but someone else cut him off.

"I knew you were behind this." Lily's tone was reproachful. "Thanks to you, I'm missing potions! I don't see why Dumbledore puts up with you."

"Lily! Come to congratulate us on-"

"In your dreams, Potter. You and Black are going to pay for this. If this affects my grade at all, you two will be-"

"We understand, madam." Sirius said in a formal tone. "It's just that we don't give a damn." he laughed.

Lily stomped away.

_"Those two are going to get it this time."_

* * *

In all honesty, Lily felt guilty for doing this. Slughorn's pantry was off-limits to students. But she only had to picture James' smug face before all guilt was replaced by anger.

If she timed it right, she should be able to slip amortentia into their morning coffee without arousing suspicion.

"Now who should I make them fall in love with..." she pondered. Then it hit her.

_"Moaning Myrtle!"_

She finally found the bottle she was looking for. Quickly procuring a flask from her robes, she poured in half of the Amortentia. Then she put the bottle back and hurried outside.

* * *

The next morning, Sirius woke up early; around 3 or 4 in the morning.

"James, I'm tired. I don't want to see what passageway you've found." he muttered, knowing who had woken him and why.

"Please?"

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Sirius, it's-"

"I've never been tempted to use a dark curse until now. Let me sleep."

"I found a way into Honeydukes!"

Sirius threw the covers off, grabbed his wand, and levitated Remus and Peter out of their beds while pulling on his cloak.

"Let's go!"

Remus peered at him, bleary-eyed, and understood that if _Sirius_ was getting up early to explore the castle, it must be worthwhile. He grabbed his wand as well. Peter scurried to follow his friends as they left under James' invisibility cloak.

* * *

Lily was just returning to her dormitory. She had talked to the house elves, and they couldn't refuse an order. She could hardly wait to see the effects of her potion.

_"Still, this was cutting it close. If anyone caught me wandering after hours-"_

She suddenly bumped into something and fell. In an instant, her wand was out, hovering in front of her shakily.

"Wh-who's there?" she cried out.

Remus quickly clamped his hands over James and Peter's mouths; the two most likely to give them away.

"I-I know the stunning spell, now who are you?!" Lily's voice grew more confident, although it was still in a whisper.

Sirius used his wand to send a small gust of wind at Lily. She paled and took a step back. James glared at him and fought Remus, but just then Sirius began talking in a low, tired voice.

"It seems every first year is shocked to learn that ghosts can turn invisible. But what are you doing out of bed?" he wheezed, sounding just like the old count that haunted the third floor.

Lily evidently recognized this voice, because she relaxed a little.

"Count Barthory! I was sleepwalking and ended up here." she said quickly and unconvincingly.

"Hmm...in that case I suppose you ought to return to your tower." Sirius felt his throat grow dryer the longer he spoke like this.

"Th-thank you! I will!" she set off at a run, grateful that he hadn't tuned her in.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Sirius burst into a fit of coughs.

"You have no idea how hard it is to do that!" he accused.

* * *

By dawn, the foursome were back in their room, wide-awake due to barrels of sweets and a few bottles of butterbeer.

"Ahh...that Rosmerta girl can't be much older than us." Sirius said dreamily.

"She's nineteen." Remus delivered this line in a clipped tone. "Overage."

"You've crushed my hopes and dreams, Remy!"

"You're only in second year, Sirius. You'll have time to build up other dreams."

"Umm...can we go down to breakfast?" Peter asked hopefully.

They looked at him. After three hours of stuffing themselves in Hogsmeade, he wanted to eat all over again...

"Sure." James and Sirius said in unison.

* * *

"By the way, what was Lily really doing out of bed? I can't exactly imagine her raiding a teacher's office or-"

"Shut up, will you! That's my future wife you're insulting. I'm sure she has a dangerous and wild side. Maybe she was coming back from dancing with fairies in the Forbidden Forest."

"Or maybe she really was sleepwalking." Peter added.

They burst into laughter and sat down to breakfast.

* * *

Looks like the hair dye wore off," Remus observed, noting that their professors' hair was back to normal.

"Shame." Peter stuffed a muffin into his mouth.

"Ah, we have tonight to try and top yesterday." Sirius poured himself some orange juice.

"Hope we run into Lily again." James said dreamily. He dribbled half his coffee down his front. Remus waved his wand, and the stains vanished.

"Speaking of Lily, why is she looking at us?" Peter frowned.

James sat bolt upright.

"Maybe she-"

"It's nothing to do with you, James." Sirius observed. "She keeps looking at me, too."

"She's obviously waiting for you to leave so she can confess her love for-"

"And she's smiling. Muttering something to Mauricia, then back to staring at us." Sirius took another gulp of juice and watched the scene out of the corner of his eyes.

"Well, only one way to know what she's thinking." James stood up.

* * *

Lily practically beamed as he walked towards her, but her face fell when he didn't go on, and instead stopped in front of her.

"You wanna go out?" he offered.

"No," she looked confused.

"But Lileeeeeeeeeee!" he clutched his heart. "You were staring, lovestruck, at me! How cruel you are to lead a man on, only to smolder his hopes of-"

"I think I can explain that, mate." Sirius appeared behind him, suppressing a grin. In his hand he held James' cup.

"Remus noticed it, really. By the smell. No food at Hogwarts smells like wolfsbane, so he immediately knew there was a potion in our drinks. A love potion, to be exact."

"Oh, Lily! I don't need a love potion to fall for you!" James looked at her. He tried to kiss her hand, but she snatched it away.

"I don't get it," she muttered. "You drank it, I could see that. So why aren't you-"

"I'm sorry, Lily, I assumed you knew." Remus appeared, Peter at his side.

"Knew...what?"

"Well...see...since plenty of girls have already tried Amortentia on these two," he glanced at his friends, who looked distinctly proud of themselves. "We've made it habit to drink the antidote every day before breakfast."

"I remember the first time a girl tried to spike our drinks," Sirius grinned. "Peter was the unlucky soul who drank it, by mistake of course. He went around for the whole day with nothing but Rita Skeeter on his mind."

Peter flushed.

Lily stomped out of the Great Hall, fuming.

"Oh, and Lily?" James shouted.

"I'm not going out with you!" she shouted back.

"That's okay, I'll catch you next time you're sleepwalking!"

* * *

**A/N: Yep. I'm so happy; my computer's been down ever since December. I had a bunch of stories ready, but no way to publish them. But now it's fixed, more or less. Anyway...Death Note (it's an anime show) has been my new obsession, so I don't know how long it'll be before I update this story again.. **


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